WHERE are Godly women to go to learn about married sex?!?
It has become apparent to me lately just how bad this situation is in many of our churches. We do our best to make sure that our youth and singles know to “wait until marriage” for sex and that anything outside of marriage is bad! However, we often do an equally lousy job of telling how GREAT sex should be in marriage. It’s a taboo subject. Men and women view this topic vastly different and this only compounds a very discouraging trend.
I will be the first to proclaim that most of this “knowledge” needs to come directly through the fun learning process between husband and wife and through the husband leading the wife. I will also proclaim that we parents need to do a better job of preparing our children for this aspect of their new lives just before giving them away in marriage. And, many of our churches really need to do a better job of teaching on this important and holy subject. But, what do you do when the world already has its’ influence clearly wreaking havoc in your marriage bed?
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, 4 so that they may [a]encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
GOD designed sex in marriage! He thinks that it is holy and awesome! So should you! We older women should be encouraging younger women to love their husbands. And, most men’s first love language is SEX! Are we teaching the younger women that this is a Godly endeavor that they should rejoice in and learn with gusto? Or, are too many of our women still under the effects of the world’s teachings (it’s a necessary evil, don’t enjoy it too much or you are worldly, he should learn to control his urges, he needs to meet my needs first, etc.)?
The Greek word for “love” in Titus 2:3-5 is philandros. We are to be attached to, fond of, and affectionate towards our husbands. We are to be a friend and companion… loving as a friend.
Instead, what I’ve encountered within the church at large is that sex is something that we do not discuss (unless it’s in a negative way). I personally hear more wives complaining about their sex life, and rarely are there any women stepping forward to correct their mistaken assumptions or to challenge them to love their husbands in all God-honoring ways. I’ve also encountered some husbands who feel that any discussion of marital sex among women is sinful and would be a violation of women teaching the gospel (what is right and wrong biblically). However, in light of the above verse in Titus, the older women ARE instructed to train the younger women to “love their husbands”. This is not an opportunity for gossip. This is a challenge to the “older women” to teach and to pray with the younger women. A husband should always be the head of the wife and they should discuss these things. The older women teaching the younger should never take precedence over a husband leading his wife.
We actually go to an amazing church where I can honestly say that I have the freedom to speak to my pastor and leadership about anything, and know that I will be given the truth from God’s Word. I also know that my pastor has no problems speaking bluntly and thoroughly on this subject. But, what I have also encountered is that many of our young ladies still hold very worldly and misdirected views of marital intimacy. Many of us believed for years that we knew what God’s Word said about these things. Many of us have been wrong! We’ve taken the world’s stigma’s about sex and brought them into the church.
I have no problem encouraging my younger sisters (well, ANY sister really) to love their husbands… especially when it comes to physical intimacy. Here are a few books if you have any doubts or concerns about what is or is NOT allowed according to the Word of God or how awesome marital sex should be:
- The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex (And You Thought Bad Girls Have All the Fun) – By: Sheila W. Gregoire
- Intimacy Ignited: Kindling Your Love Life With the Song of Solomon – By: Linda Dillow & Lorraine Pintus (& husbands) — this is a GREAT bible study for husbands and wives to do together!
- Intimate Issues: Conversations Woman-to-Woman – By: Linda Dillow
There are more, but these are a few of our most recent reads that were really eye-opening even to our almost 25 year marriage. Just like everything in life, we may not agree with everything that they teach, but specifically on marital intimacy we have found them to be biblically accurate and honest.
Sheila W. Gregoire at ToLoveHonorandVaccuum.com put up a very thought provoking post (Are Christians Really Uptight About Sex?) about this very thing yesterday. It’s kind of funny that this article was already in the works before she posted. Almost feels like confirmation that God is gently challenging the hearts and minds of His daughters on this topic!
I believe it’s past time we quit letting the devil rob our bedrooms because of some mistaken sense of privacy or propriety. God designed physical intimacy in marriage to be hot and holy. Sure, it’s between a husband and wife and should be kept that way. But, we’ve got to stop treating intimacy as if it’s some secret thing that cannot be discussed or we’ll just continue passing down intimacy issues to future generations… or continue letting the world believe that only the unsaved and sinful (or perverted) have awesome sex.
Image used with permission from David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net