Today is Day Thirty-eight of “The Respect Dare” and we are discussing initiating sexual intimacy with our husbands.

“You’ve had a taste of God. Now, like infants at the breast, drink deep of God’s pure kindness. Then you’ll grow up mature and whole in God.” ~ 1 Peter 2:2-3 MSG

This challenge really is a challenge for me. Sex is painful most of the time for me. I’m not talking a little pain. I’m talking excruciating tear inducing pain! This is a result of complications from my hysterectomy 5 years ago. Because of this, my body physically cannot handle sexual stimulation more than once a week. I am grateful that the Lord has brought us this much healing. It used to be that it hurt every.single.time, could not enjoy at all, and spent days in agony afterward. To be able to enjoy, even if I do have some pain during or (even better) afterward, is a GREAT improvement from how things were before the last surgery three years ago. We have exhausted the specialists and anything further that “might” help would be more likely to cause more damage and has no guarantee of even helping.

Getting myself into better physical shape is the only thing that is left that I can do to try to help this. Carrying extra weight causes strain on my core, which adds to the pain issues. So, I am getting re-acquainted with the elliptical machine, being more active daily, and eating better. I am also working on some core training exercises.

Being healthy physically is an important part of keeping your intimacy protected. But, being healthy spiritually and emotionally are also important. I am still working on overcoming past mind sets that say initiation is HIS responsibility. That would be extremely unfair to my poor husband.

Planning our time together has been a priority for me. I try to keep my schedule clear after time with my hubby so that I can rest and recover more quickly. I also try to keep myself from being overburdened before our scheduled time so that I am not already physically struggling.

What I need to do more of is scheduling times of just ministering to him sexually so that his needs are met even when I am unable to have intercourse. But, I fully admit to struggling with selfishness in this area. It sucks that he can enjoy and yet I am stuck with all this pain. I am still a work in progress.

Nina says, “Initiating sex communicates respect in a unique and special way to our husbands. When our husbands feel desired by us, their esteem is built, thus enabling them to fully and confidently engage in their roles as men.”

Ladies, this is very true. When my husband is secure in my desire for him, he feels able to take on the world. It is such a simple and yet powerful encouragement.

Lord, please forgive me for being a selfish lover. I know how much this area would be a blessing for my marriage and yet I still struggle. Please soften my heart and break my selfishness. Let me be a joy and a blessing to my man in every area. And, thank you for the healing that you have provided.

In Jesus’ Name… Amen!

If you are just joining us, I am doing “The Respect Dare” 40 day challenge along with the ladies at Unbroken Woman and others.

I pray each of you have a great day and also make sure you are visiting The Unbroken Woman to enter to win gifts and be entered to win the Kindle Fire. Check out the following two links specifically:

I Dare You!


What to Expect When You Are Respecting: The Respect Dare Bible Study

Also, please check out the author’s blog at


Unbroken Woman

Peaceful Wife

Forgiven Wife

Broken But Not Forgotten

Feel free to email me if you have any questions or private prayer requests.

Godspeed… ~ Tiffani

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
(Visited 145 times, 1 visits today)

4 thoughts on “The Respect Dare – Day 38

  1. Chris says:

    I feel for you, and I’m so glad you shared this. I had a hysterectomy five years ago to treat a medical issue that would leave me curled up in fetal position for several days after sex–to the point that I nearly fainted while driving once. Even doing something for my husband was a problem, as my own arousal (which would result when I did something for him) would lead to a day of pain. In my case, the surgery removed the pain. The fact that most women do just fine with a hysterectomy is no consolation for those who experience complications.

    It really isn’t fair, and I can completely understand the difficulty in sexually ministering to your husband when you know you can’t participate. Schedule “just for him” times twice a week for a whole month, just as an experiment to see how it benefits your relationship. And then, there’s nothing wrong with making sure the times you can fully participate include lots and lots of his sexual ministry to you.

    Bless you.

  2. Melissa says:

    I know a little of the pain you speak. I would like to recommened this site to help with your core/pelvic issues. You could do more damage exercising if not done correctly. This lady has lots of free information.

    Also Julie has lots of info. And Classes

    1. Tiffani says:

      Thank you Melissa. I know well of Beth at Fit2B. I am currently working on tummy safe exercises as part of my core repair efforts.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge