Revisiting The Most Beautiful Woman
(“The Mental Scorecard Explained”)
Hello again Husbands!
Five years ago I wrote my first real blog post here on SongSix3 called “The Most Beautiful Woman In The World.” The post had to do with the extremely grim perception many women have of the way their own bodies look and feel to their own eyes, and therefore by extension how we their husbands must either be clinically blind or outright lying when we call them “beautiful.”
Now, five years later I continue to stand by what I wrote in that article. Yes, it STILL counts!
But in the years since I wrote that post, I have been involved in countless discussions & debates with other husbands who seemed to disagree with me… but I’m not sure that as many of them really do, when we get right down to it. I’ve explained my thoughts in bits and pieces way too many times to count, and those pieces are spread all across the internet via Twitter, Facebook, and numerous emails.
Here is the argument I often get from husbands… “my wife is NOT the most beautiful woman in the world. Sure, she’s good looking, but I can think of many who far surpass her in beauty.” Or some assortment of various words that resemble these in some way. Yes, I hear what they’re saying, but I have to wonder if any of them have ever seen the TV show “The Nanny.” Now there was a lady with a pretty face… but… THAT VOICE! Ugh! To me, her voice was annoying! Men, that babe you’re tripping over your own feet to stare at may have very nice looking body parts, but without getting to know her, how can you possibly know that she doesn’t have the most evil personality you’ve ever run across?
But here is my problem with these particular men… to use an old phrase with a ton of truth… they are adhering to the letter of the law while completely ignoring the SPIRIT of the law. They have taken my words and whittled the entirety of their meaning down to the lowest possible denominator: physical appearance. To them, “most beautiful woman” equates to things like gorgeous hair & makeup, big piercing eyes, the largest breasts, the roundest derriere, perhaps a certain skin color or body type, and any other thing that makes their faces glow with desire – the stuff known as “eye candy”. And as these physical features are what they’ve boiled their definition of beauty down to, they are completely missing the REAL beauty that God has set before their eyes. Gentlemen, if you are one of these men I’m talking about, I implore you to please consider the following paragraphs.
I met Tiffani when she was 14 years old, and at that time, she scored mighty high on the only section I had on my mental scorecard: physical features. What you must understand is that at the time, having only just met her, I had nothing else by which to grade her. But as time went on and we began to get to know each other, I found out how much I liked to hear her laugh, and to watch her smile (especially when it was in MY direction!) We spent lots of hours on the phone, and I worked hard to be at her side as often as I possibly could.
The scorecard by which I grade my own wife as “the most beautiful woman in the world” no longer stops at physical features. 32 years into this relationship with Tiffani, it goes far beyond that. As a matter of fact, I would go so far as to say that the more years I spend with her, the more sections I get to add to the card. I have come to know this woman far more deeply than ANY man in her history, including any boyfriend she’s ever had (besides me), and even her father and stepfather.
Tiffani and I have built a life together, on a foundation of love and trust. As you know from our previous posts, that foundation was shattered into dust at a couple of points in our past, but our God has helped us to build that foundation anew on the true bedrock – Jesus Christ. Together we have produced six living children, with 3 more children waiting for us in heaven. Our two oldest children have given us four living grandchildren, with a new one expected in September 2017. We have bought and sold houses for our family together. We have made life-altering decisions together. We have gone on trips and made memories that will last us a lifetime. We have led congregations in praise and worship together. We share a heart for God’s music, and also for broken marriages. WE HAVE HISTORY TOGETHER!
With all of that going for us, I couldn’t possibly grade her on physical features alone EVER AGAIN. No gents, the scorecard by which I grade my lady has grown to include countless sections. And if I were to only score the section marked “physical features”, it would leave out so much more that she is to me. The overall grade would be terrible, even though she still scores mighty high in the physical features department. You had a full schedule in high school, right? So let’s say you had straight A’s in history, but you got F’s in everything else. (science, math, language arts, etc…) Would you have graduated high school? Of course not! Every section needed to get passing grades in order to receive your diploma. You passed or failed based on the ENTIRE grade-set, not just one class.
The major point I’m trying to make here is that your wife is a PACKAGE DEAL. There is no other woman on earth that you should be making memories and history with. That’s reserved for one very special lady. God gave you a unique and absolutely AWESOME present on your wedding day (your wife) and said “Now go spend a lifetime enjoying getting to know her.” If you have made the huge mistake of condensing all that your wife IS into the sum of her body parts, then quite simply, you have utterly missed the boat.
If what I have written here today makes sense to you, then please begin to make the effort to show your wife that she means much more to you than just the parts that make your eyes light up. Don’t get me wrong… ENJOY those parts a lot! But don’t ever let her forget that she’s a package deal, and that you really like the rest of what she is too.
Once you fully grasp this concept, your own wife truly will be THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD to you.
May your marriage be wrapped in the peace of Christ.
Disclaimer: For anyone who wants to split hairs over the fact that I used a “scorecard” as an analogy… I do NOT actually “grade” my wife on anything. But as is true with all things in life, we mentally apply a certain level of “like” or “dislike” to just about everything we encounter, thereby “grading” things in our minds. Don’t get stuck on the letter of the law – walk by the spirit of it.
Thank you to Beth of Messy Marriage for opening her post link-up to bloggers like me. Please visit her page and check out what she’s got to say about marriage… I think you’ll like her!