Hello Readers!

Last Friday, I sent this out on my Twitter and Facebook accounts…

 

 

 

 

“Prodigal spouse: Do you want to reconcile but don’t know how? We’d love to help in whatever ways God allows. Talk to us.”

Those who know me personally will know right away that I meant every word of that statement.

Are you a spouse who has walked out of your marriage, but now you’re second-guessing that decision? It’s not uncommon at all to feel this way. But something makes you hesitate. Fear of rejection, the unknown, or not being able to get past the issues. All the “what-ifs” your brain can possibly imagine. You have found yourself on the outside of the marriage, looking back in, and wondering if it’s salvageable. Yes, it’s quite common for people in your position to feel these chaotic emotions.

I’ve heard it said many times (and in various ways) that when you’ve finally walked out the other side of a major life trial, it often becomes your ministry. I have found that to be true.

In the early years I simply wanted to get married and have a family that I could call my own. But pride on both sides, when mixed with personal choices, can produce some really crappy marriages. And we were no exception to that rule.

I never planned to live in a rocky marriage. I didn’t look for ways to spend more time playing my guitar than being a husband. I wasn’t determined to spend nearly a year apart from my wife while we figured out how to move forward. And I SURELY DID NOT have in mind to have a marriage that was infiltrated by the ugliness of adultery. And yet it all happened. Each and every one of these things took place.

Here we are in the “now”, years later, but in a very different place than we used to be. Today, Tiffani and I are best friends. We talk openly, not dancing around with guarded code words. We go places together, holding hands. The “love language” that speaks best to her is acts of service – and I try to serve her most in that way. She sacrifices her time and energy daily to homeschool our four youngest children, and to manage our farm. We show genuine appreciation to each other for the contributions to our marriage. These are the things that we feel compelled to share with hurting people when they bring us the broken pieces of their marriage, looking desperately for help.

When we came out the far side of the adultery, both of us knew it was time for some massive changes in the marriage. Putting Jesus Christ right in the center of it all was Priority One. That has not, and WILL NOT ever change. Left to ourselves, we would fail over and over again. But as we submit our personal wills to Christ, it is HIS grace and mercy towards us that allows us to show grace and mercy towards each other. We believe in covenant marriage as God intended from the beginning.

I never intended to be a light of hope to hurting people. I didn’t have aspirations of being a mentor to broken marriages. But God Himself gave me this burden, and all I want to do is share with you what He shared with me.

I’ve spent countless hours on the phone with people all over the United States, weeping with them in their pain, encouraging them in their distress, and praying with them in their hope for new beginnings. I’ve been blessed to witness broken marriages restored, and people’s hearts for their spouse made new all over again. Jesus cares about your marriage, and it is always an undeserved privilege when He allows me to see how He works in these situations.

So again, I ask the spouses who are on the outside looking in… Do you want to reconcile your marriage but don’t have any idea how to begin? Does fear have you trapped? We’ve been there. But I can assure you that it’s not a place you need to stay. We don’t ask for any payment – let us walk with you as friends. There are some good folks out there mentoring and coaching marriages, so if you don’t feel we’re the right fit for you, please find one of them – don’t give up – your marriage is worth the effort.

If you’d like to talk, please message us privately through our contact page.

And if we’ve walked with you already, please feel free to leave encouragement for others in the comments below. As I mentioned above, your reassuring thoughts could quite possibly be the beginning of YOUR ministry to marriages.

In Christ,
~Jason

As a postscript to this message, you might be interested to read an earlier article I wrote called “Why I Mentor Marriages“.

 

© Velkol | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
(Visited 175 times, 1 visits today)

7 thoughts on “Outside Looking In?

  1. Stuart Tutt says:

    Such a wonderful setting to share the testimony of your marriage Jason. Being able to talk to you and share with my own struggles I know your passion for a Godly marriage.

    Friends, if you are that spouse on the outside looking in…reach out! God can restore and does restore!

    1. Jason says:

      Thanks Stu! I appreciate your friendship, bro. I’m glad the Lord brought us together – 1000 miles apart.

      ~Jason
      Jason recently posted…Enjoy and Appreciate Your Wife’s FemininityMy Profile

      1. Stuart Tutt says:

        And for God to provide a way to be able to meet in person and pray, worship and fellowship together, despite the miles, was a blessing. 🙂

  2. Kate says:

    We have been blessed to have your ministry. I do not remember how I found your page, but reading your blog really resonated with me. So many people are quick to end things when times get rocky, but we didn’t want that. We needed the guidance and encouragement from someone who went down a similar road. Learning to put Christ in the center of marriage was not as easy as it sounds, because it meant that we had to change our prideful ways and learn to love in a different way. And let me tell you, it worked. Alone we would be sure to fail, but with God at the root of our marriage we knew we could conquer the darkest of times. Your blog, your kind and uplifting words, testimony from others, and a renewed faith in the grace and mercy of our Lord has not only restored our marriage, but revived it and gave it new life. I feel like we have a whole new relationship, one that will stand the test of time.

    1. Jason says:

      Hi Kate! I have really appreciated the conversations I’ve had with you and your husband. When a marriage is going through dark times, I have found that often the spouses simply need a friend who’s been there before to walk with them and sort of “light the way.” Jesus is the one who works in the hearts of people, so as long as we keep pointing the way to HIM, marriages can change into something far better than they ever were before. Remember to do that same thing with others as you minister to THEIR hurting marriages.

      Thank you for the comment!
      ~Jason

  3. Nicole E says:

    My husband & I have been truly blessed to have found Jason & Tiffani. I remember when I just learned of my husband’s affair that I began searching for those who have walked the road before me and could help. I began following Jason on Twitter and it came that we privately communicated for some time before my husband and I had a phone conversation with Jason. I was broken, lonely, and had no clue what my future held. I am thankful that they genuinely care for you and your broken marriage; it’s not a financial gain for them. They do this from their own experience and walk along side you. My husband & I are not perfect and we have had our ups & downs, even in recent months (as my father passed away and grief overtook me), but I know God placed Jason & Tiffani in our lives as friends and mentors who will be there for us. I am also grateful that we had the opportunity to meet them in person, along with others who we have created a special bond.

    1. Jason says:

      Nicole, it is a privilege to travel the road with you and Jeff. Thanks for being willing to speak up when you needed help. It blesses me to see how far you guys have come since I’ve known you. Keep up the great work on your marriage!

      If Southern Heritage Air Foundation puts on another airshow in 2018, perhaps we’ll consider making the trip again and hanging out with you guys, The Andersons, and Stuart.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge