Husbands…

Do you pray with your wives? If not, may I ask you – why not?

Did you know that praying with your wife is probably the most emotionally intimate thing that you can do with her? When you pray together you open the deepest parts of your hearts, minds and souls to each other. Jesus also promises that when the two of you pray together, HE is right there with you.

Matthew 18:19-20 (NASB) – “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.

Isn’t that a GREAT promise?! In my Bible, those words are in red… meaning that Jesus Himself spoke them.

Prayer is direct communication with the Father Himself. When we talk with the Lord privately (alone), much GOOD can happen in our hearts. But we must be willing to spend as much time listening for His still, small voice as we do talking. However, praying with our wives adds a whole new dynamic to our prayer life. She is the one with whom we share our most intimate thoughts, hopes and dreams, successes and failures. Other than God Himself, she is the one who should know more about us than any other person on earth. The Bible talks about this dynamic in the following scripture.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NASB)Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.

A cord of three strands… hmm… husband, wife, and the Lord? I’m pretty sure this qualifies!

Around the middle of 2011, Tiffani and I went through a rough time of struggle together. As part of our desire to live the “one flesh” lifestyle as described in Genesis 2:24-25, we needed to come clean with each other about some things from our past. In and of themselves, those things were not easy to hear. Adding to the troubles was the fact that during that time I had begun taking prescription narcotics for a herniated disc that was causing me intense pain. It’s fairly common knowledge that narcotics and emotions do not mix well, which made for some pretty volatile discussions – as you might imagine. Almost everything we talked about ended up being way bigger in my mind than it truly needed to be. Regretfully, during the heat of discussion, I said some things that Christians should never speak. You might say I was an emotional mess. (Hey, just being honest with you!) I am very thankful to have a wonderful wife who is quick to forgive.

We had been married for 24 years at that point, and walked with the Lord (together) since 1990. But praying with each other was completely foreign to us. We tried a few times, but it always felt stilted to me. We had never developed the habit, but we both knew we needed to. One thing we promised each other was that we would pray WITH each other, and FOR each other. Daily.

Those times of prayer ended up being exactly what we needed. When we were physically together we held hands while we prayed. I worked very hard to carve out a space right around 7 AM that I could call her from work so we could pray together. Did it always work? No, not always… sometimes work issues got in the way. I’m the company computer guy, and sometimes computers break. (Oh really???) On days like this, I used the available technology… I would write a prayer from my heart and text it to her, so that she could read it when she woke up.

For the first several months, those times of prayer were painful, but at the same time they were also very intimate and encouraging. We prayed for our children, our respective days, the work we put our hands to, and also that God would release us from the pain that we were talking over and dealing with.

As we each took time to speak to our Heavenly Father, we were able to hear the others’ heart. Even though it began awkwardly, those times of praying together taught us that we could connect on a level we had never touched  before. It was emotional bonding at its’ very best. And thankfully, within a few weeks of my successful back surgery, I was able to get off those blasted pain meds – and get my mind back under control!

We have continued those times of prayer into the present. Amazingly, I find now that if (for any reason) we are unable to pray together on a given morning, I feel as though something BIG is missing from my day. There’s a hole that just can’t be filled by anything else, and it doesn’t take me long to realize what happened.

Guys, can I encourage you to take that first baby step today? Tonight before bed, grab your dear wife’s hand, and PRAY for her! Don’t demand that she say anything. In time, as she becomes comfortable with you praying for her, gently offer her opportunities to pray verbally, but without requiring it of her. Just BE the leader and pray for things that you know are needed. Pray for God to protect her – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Does she suffer from nightmares? Ask the Lord to guard her mind as she sleeps! If she drives to a job each day, ask God to protect her from harm on the roadways. If she interacts with a specific group of people outside your home regularly, ask the Lord to protect her from the potential for emotional and physical adultery. (This is a VERY REAL concern, guys… be aware. We’ve been there, done that – and don’t EVER want to return!) These are just a few ideas, but nobody knows your wife like YOU do. Pray for her needs like nobody else can. YOU are her man, and she is depending on you.

One last note… those of you who follow @SongSix3 on Twitter may have seen some of our tweets on praying together. Since I’m mainly speaking to the husbands here, I will close this post with one of my favorites. Please feel free to retweet it as often as you like!

Men, do you pray with your wife daily? If you’re looking for intimacy in your marriage, THIS is where it starts!

These Pingbacks are links to some great RELATED articles by fellow bloggers:
The Peaceful Husband
http://respectedhusband.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/praying-with-your-wife

The Peaceful Wife
http://peacefulwife.com/2012/12/13/the-blessing-of-a-husband-who-wont-pray-with-his-wife/

Beth Steffaniak – Messy Marriage
Get Past Awkwardness of Praying With Your Spouse

 


Image used with permission from graur razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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21 thoughts on “Do You Pray With Your Wife?

  1. Rena Gunther says:

    Love this! That verse in Ecclesiastes has always been a favorite of mine. Jason, I love how you, too, are willing to share your life including shortcomings. Your post is so encouraging. I shared a little of it with my husband last night and I think I’ll forward the link to him. It made him smile huge because he’s been praying with me regularly for about seven months now. And it makes all the difference in the world.
    Rena Gunther recently posted…Resurrection–You Just Can’t Stop ItMy Profile

  2. Jason says:

    “And it makes all the difference in the world.”

    That would have been the perfect closing sentence for the post! 😉

    Thanks Rena! I am glad this is making a difference in your life with your hubby! It certainly is with Tiffani and I!

  3. Edward says:

    Great article! So often we complicate prayer to be a list of do’s & dont’s. Instead of simply communicating with God. I like what Isaac did for his wife in Gen. 25. He prayed on her behalf for 20 years until God answered his prayer and his wife conceived.

  4. Mathew says:

    Hi Jason, your post about praying in marriage life is very good and encouraging.
    We have been married for 28 years and it always was a struggle to pray together (mostly on my side). But lately the Lord is stirring my heart about this issue and I sometimes take my wife’s hand before or after breakfast and start praying with her…you are right, there is definitely something intimate about that
    I really hope that we will soon experience a break through..
    May God bless you

    1. Jason says:

      Hi Mathew, thanks for reading! I am glad to hear that this post is helping you. The Lord’s blessings are immeasurable as you begin to lead your wife in prayer daily. I know that the days I don’t do it, I definitely feel as though something BIG is missing. Be encouraged to keep it up… it DOES get easier with time!

  5. Kyra says:

    I wish I could get my husband to pray with me or help me with my struggles. He always says that I don’t need him to pray and I don’t need him to live… So on & so forth. & he only prays over dinner… I’m becoming sick of it

    1. Jason says:

      Hi Kyra, I’ve spoken with a lot of wives who feel much like you do… their men call themselves believers in Christ, but don’t (or won’t) pray with their wives for all sorts of reasons – not one of which holds a single drop of credibility. In most cases, what it comes down to is the man’s fear of opening up his private thoughts to his wife. What they don’t realize though, is that opening those private thoughts is the VERY THING THAT PROMOTES TOTAL INTIMACY within the marriage bond! I wish I could get that truth into every man’s head! This post was intended for the husbands to read, but in fact it’s usually the wives who read & comment. I think it’s time for me to write a follow-up post to this one, to emphasize this particular truth in marriage. (I’ll have to give that some thought.) Do you feel like you’re in a place that you could ask your husband to read this post? If he is open, it may help him. And of course, he’s always welcome to write me directly from our contact page… I’d be happy to offer him my personal thoughts & advice on how to get started. Thank you for your comment! ~Jason

  6. Dennis D. says:

    We have also discovered the joy and power of praying together. It creates a bond that drives Satan away. Before the Fall, Adam and Eve had the perfect marriage because they walked and TALKED with God. And concerning Matthew 18:19-29, Jesus was talking about resolving conflicts in the church. And this does apply to a marriage relationship also. So a husband and wife constitute a church. Who would want a church that doesn’t pray? And the Greek word for agree that Jesus used means symphony, harmony. When husband and wife agree in prayer, it’s a beautiful symphony that God listens to and answers! Thank you for your post.

    1. Jason says:

      Thank you for stopping in today, Dennis! I definitely appreciate your thoughts on this post. Let me ask you… Even after having prayed with your wife regularly, do you still (like many men) find it difficult to get the words out sometimes? It’s funny how we can pray in front of a whole congregation, but then when it’s just the two of us, we men tend to get tongue-tied. I still struggle with this.

      ~Jason

      1. Dennis D. says:

        Yes. Many times I draw a blank. But I start in just by praising God and thanking Him for all of our blessings. Naming them one by one, and we have many! We’ve been married 41 years but have only been praying together now for the last 5. It has enriched us far beyond our imagination. And we’ve learned that a short prayer is OK. Sometimes it’s just thanking Him for the day. That’s it. No deep theological stuff here. But we are acknowledging that our appointed time is set and we stick to it. My silent prayers are magnificent works but then trying to verbalize them, all the words come out wrong and my thoughts get twisted and askew. I really have this difficulty praying in front of a group. My wife and I both have this difficulty. So praying with each other was, and still can, be a struggle. But with every day practice, we know how to face that barrier now and break through it.

  7. Thank you for your honesty and transparency. I know this post is directed to husbands but I can still relate. It’s definitely very awkward praying with my husband now when we actually have the chance. But I know with consistency it will become something we look forward to! And I’m looking forward to the learning process until we get to that point of complete comfort praying together. Thank you for your post!
    Elaine (@militarywifeaftergod) recently posted…Why God Designed Your Husband to Have a Strong Sex DriveMy Profile

    1. Jason says:

      Hello Elaine! Thank you for reading! Praying together as a couple is weird for almost everyone that I’ve ever known. But with consistent practice it does get easier. Just remember that you’re exposing your deepest self before both the Lord AND your husband… this is where the intimacy is built.

      I’ll get over to your blog and read a bit this weekend!

    2. Mina says:

      Alghrit alright alright that’s exactly what I needed!

  8. Ugo Okonkwo says:

    Thank God

  9. MourningDove says:

    The great fraud in my husband’s betrayal is that in all his messages with his affair partners, he prayed for them and with them, even offering Biblical counsel for their relational issues with their own children and spouses! This was so awful because he refuses to pray with me and our children! Even now after disclosing some of his betrayal issues, and I have begged my husband to pray with us, he just meets my requests with a blank stare, as if he cannot differentiate between the fantasy life with his affair partners and real life with me and the children. It is so painful and disheartening, making me think the end result for my 30 years of faithfulness leads only to divorce.

    1. Jason says:

      MourningDove, that is an absolutely heartbreaking story. It sounds like he was completely deceived in those false relationships, and now he has no idea how to properly operate within the REAL one. It would be my prayer that he figures it out quickly, and works to make amends with you. Prayer opens us up to our partners. And when done regularly with our spouse within marriage, it creates an intimate bond like nothing else can. If he is willing to talk, please send him this way. I’d be happy to engage in that conversation with him. My immediate prayer is for healing in your situation.

      1. MourningDove says:

        Hi Jason,
        Thank you for your reply. I passed along your information to my husband to let him know that you’re willing to reach out to him. Willingness is the key word here.

        And yes, you’re completely correct – he and all his affair partners were in deep deception with each other – all of them married, all of them working as hard as possible to ‘get’ something from one another – an awful game of lies, illicit sex, fantasy, blackmail, pornography, fake identities – over many, many years. God is now revealing all of this and put us on a path of seeking faithfulness to Him once again. It breaks my heart, but God wins. He always does. Will we abide by Him? That’s my prayer.

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