1. How to raise chickens
2. How to raise pigs
3. How to take care of a barn
4. How to protect the animals from other animals
5. How good, healthy food gets from the farm to our table

What a difference a few years makes! Since we made the move to our little slice of Virginia farmland in early 2011, we’ve learned each and every one of these things – and much more! Tiffani likes to say that if you’d asked us 10 years ago if we’d be “tilling God’s land” in our lifetime, we’d have laughed hysterically. I think she’s probably right.

I also think it’s just really funny how God brought all this (and our family) together. I’ve read stories for years about how farming families are often much closer than city families. Since we’ve made these lifestyle changes, I’ve come to believe this is true from my firsthand experience.

As city folks, our family time used to consist mostly of watching a movie together. Well, you’re probably aware that everyone sitting slack-jawed and staring at a screen isn’t exactly promoting family love & togetherness. Conversely, we’ve discovered that around the farm, we need most everyone’s help. While there are many tasks to be performed as needed (such as moving firewood from the back field to the front of the house), there are also several daily things that need to be done, rain or shine, no matter what – even if WE are sick. For example, the daily care & feeding of the animals. They cannot take care of themselves, and rely on us for everything. This provides us with some fantastic teaching opportunities for the kids. Each one of our children, right down to the 5 year old, has learned how to fill the food and water containers for the chickens. They know how to collect the eggs safely. They know how to herd chickens into the barn in the evening and make sure the stall doors are locked.

We learned (as a family) how to care for our pigs. The electric fences need to be turned off before we can enter the field. Each kid knows this and also how to call it out – “Fence is ON!” or “Fence is OFF!!” The smaller children are never allowed to enter the pig field by themselves because the potential for injury is always there. But with Tiffani and/or I there, the kids know that they don’t have to be tentative around the pigs. They can be there with confidence.

We’ve also learned how to deal with predators of all types. I have an air rifle for small threats like rats, squirrels and foxes. We also have larger caliber weapons for bigger things that threaten our animals, or even one of us. Shortly after taking out a snake that had attacked our chickens, I went to Home Depot for some farm tools. Along with other things, I brought home a treebranch lopper to deal with some low hanging branches. It’s sort of like a gigantic pair of scissors with a very long handle. Tiffani took one look at it and said “Nope, that’s a snake dispatching tool!” I hadn’t thought of that, but it sure has come in handy to deal with a couple of 6 foot snakes we’ve found in the barn! Snip snip!

Recently, we allowed 3 pigs to live in the area of our land where we plan to put the garden. The idea here was that they would tear it up, root around in it, FERTILIZE it, and prepare it for gardening. It could not have worked out better. Tomorrow, I plan to rototill the entire area to turn all the ground over and level it out. (Those pigs left some serious hills and valleys!) Next, we’ll be planting – as a FAMILY! Tiffani runs the homeschool year-round during the day while I’m at my office doing SharePoint work. We’re about to include gardening in the curriculum, as the kids start learning about planting, weeding, watering and harvesting food. I expect that through the growing season, we’ll be spending lots of time together out there in the field learning how God provides for us. We plant, and God makes it grow. Lots of great lessons to be had there!

The Wii game console has helped to bring us closer during our playtimes, since we can all play together… and the Wii technology means we all have to get up and DO something! Physical actions – whether it be sword fighting, boxing, bowling, snowboarding, or whatever… we all have to get ACTIVE. And we’re doing it TOGETHER!

I’ve pretty much always been the kind of guy who appreciates the family eating dinner together. But as a farming family, this has come to mean so much more to us. Tiffani is really getting into making more wholesome, healthy and home-cooked meals. But not “from a box”. I’m talking the kind of meals where she gets the raw produce and other ingredients and really makes it from scratch. Not only does this taste tremendously better, but it’s also much more healthy for us as well! She’s really gotten the process down for making a roast chicken dinner from our stock of freezer chicken (birds we raised ourselves in our own barn!) Tender, juicy, and VERY flavorful! The best part is… I know exactly where those chickens lived and what they ate. And it didn’t include any of that chemical or GMO crap that the corporations are pushing on us! But anyway, dinnertime itself has become more like an “event” than just another task in our home. Each child helps with setting the table, pouring the drinks, delivering plates to the table, and so on. We all try to do our part to make it a FAMILY event.

Kids’ bedtime is also a family event nowadays. I take very seriously my charge from the Lord to bring up our children in a way that pleases Him. After the kids have gotten on their jammies, and taken care of all the bathroom stuff, we gather in either the girls’ or the boys’ room for prayer. We rotate prayer leader duty around from child to child each night, and sometimes dad will pray instead. We usually have a time of goofiness either before or after prayer… time where parents tickle kids, and we all enjoy that closeness of a loving family for a few minutes before kids go to bed.

Family time for us has gone from a series of short-lived sporadic events, to an almost full-time situation every day. Do we do it perfectly? No way. But it sure is better than it used to be. And I want to get better about it, I really do.

No matter how big or small your family is, your family is YOUR FAMILY. If God were to call you home today, what memories would your children have of you? Would they remember someone who took time to come down to their level? Would they remember a parent who enthusiastically participated in their tea parties, lightsaber battles, and Lego architecting sessions? Or would they remember a parent who was always too busy?

Lord, please help me to set aside my overwhelming urge for “me time” when I get home from work, and instead to remember that I only have a short time with these children You’ve given us before they are grown and gone. Help me to create memories in our children of the daddy who they know loves them, without any room for doubt. Help me to love them as You love me. Amen.

AMERICAN DREAM
-Casting Crowns-

All work no play may have made Jack a dull boy
But all work no God has left Jack with a lost soul
But he’s moving on full steam
He’s chasing the American dream
And he’s gonna give his family, the finer things

“Not this time son, I’ve no time to waste
Maybe tomorrow, we’ll have time to play”
And then he slips into his new BMW
And drives farther and farther and farther away

‘Cause he works all day and tries to sleep at night
He says things will get better
Better in time

So he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin’ crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands

Well this American Dream is beginning to seem
More and more like a nightmare with every passing day
“Daddy, can you come to my game?”
“Oh Baby, please don’t work late”
Another wasted weekend and they are slipping away

‘Cause he works all day and lies awake at night
He tells them things are getting better
Just take a little more time

So he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin’ crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands

He used to say, “Whoever dies with the most toys wins”
But if he loses his soul
What has he gained in the end
I’ll take a shack on a rock
Over a castle in the sand

Now he works all day and cries alone at night
It’s not getting any better
Looks like he’s running out of time

‘Cause he worked and he built with his own two hands
And he poured all he had in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are coming crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands

All they really wanted was you
All they really wanted was you
All they really wanted was you

Just as a quick refresher: Tiffani and I have been together since December 1985, and married since August 1987 (almost 26 years). But only in the last 10 years or so have we begun to truly understand the meaning behind the terms “one-flesh marriage”, “covenant marriage”, and other variants of those phrases. I look back today and think, “wow, what a selfish idiot I was for so long! Why didn’t anyone ever tell me it could be SO different??”

Justin & Megan, I gotta say to you guys… thumbs up! This is a great challenge and I believe many marriages will be blessed by the outpouring of great posts from many blog ministries!

So what do we, the SongSix3 couple do to keep our marriage strong?

We Do…

We do Forgiveness - This is an absolute MUST in any marriage. We both mess up often, so we need to know that we have the safety of the other’s forgiveness just waiting for us when stuff inevitably happens. God’s Word demonstrates that Christ was the ONLY perfect one ever to  have walked the earth. With that knowledge, it stands to reason that the rest of us are going to need forgiving on a regular basis.

We do Communication - This one is so simple, but apparently SO difficult for many couples! One of the many pathways to intimacy in your marriage is to communicate with each other, honestly and openly. We kept so many things secret in our hearts for so long, that the enemy gained many footholds into our marriage. In our past, we committed heinous sins against each other that had we only learned to truly communicate sooner, would likely never have happened. Our marriage covenant (the one in our hearts) now includes the statement “NO secrets – except for birthday presents!”

We do Ministry - I am the worship leader/lead guitarist in our local Calvary Chapel fellowship, and I look forward to the times when I get to rotate in my dear wife as one of the vocalists. There are also times when just she and I get to sing, accompanied by my acoustic guitar. I LOVE to worship God with Tiffani at my side! I feel that it draws us together in so many ways. We also do marriage ministry together. Here on this blog, Twitter & Facebook, and also face to face with those we know from within our local fellowship. Ministering to others helps us to keep our hearts in the right place, and to keep each other uplifted in prayer.

We do Intimacy - Some of you may simply equate this word with “sex”, but let me tell you… it is SO MUCH MORE than that! Sure, we used to believe that sex was just a physical act that couples do with each other. Now we know better. We are talking here about the full-package deal – emotional, physical, and spiritual. I have learned to connect with Tiffani on an emotional level WAY beyond what I once thought possible. We talk, we play games, we laugh, we pray, we connect OUTSIDE the bedroom – long before we connect INSIDE the bedroom. Tiffani has learned that God created her husband to WANT her physically, and that God also created her to enjoy that connection – physically. We (together) have learned that since God CREATED the sexual union, He has NO problem with it! He wants us to ENJOY each other in the most special of ways! And in the spirit of humor, I simply must quote what our friend Julie Sibert said on her blog, Intimacy In Marriage, on her “We Do” list… it seriously made me laugh when she said of herself and her hubby… “We do each other.” Yep! I definitely agree with that one! (Thanks for the laugh, Julie!)

We do Prayer - Yes, we pray together. This one is difficult for most couples to get going with, but is so desperately needed within the bonds of a Godly marriage. If you haven’t yet read my post entitled “Do You Pray With Your Wife?” then I would encourage you to do so as soon as you’re able. This post tells of the struggles we had in getting started, and how we finally managed to get things going. Do we manage to pray together every single day? Sadly, the answer is no… and I won’t make any excuses here – I take responsibility for praying with Tiffani. If it doesn’t happen, it’s on my shoulders.

We do Fellowship - We LOVE to fellowship with other Godly couples! Proverbs 27:17 says “Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Just getting together and hanging out with like-minded people encourages & uplifts our spirits. Getting the opportunity to speak into another couples’ life & marriage is great, and often they are able to speak life into our own as well.

We do Fun & Games - Tiffani and I like to play games together… all sorts of games. Board games, card games, iPad games, Xbox games… you name it! We have fun, and we try to leave the heavily competitive spirit out. We just enjoy the fun together of the game itself. Whoever wins – wins!

We do Food - We love to eat, and we love to cook special meals for each other. We also very much enjoy going out to a few favorite restaurants together, but we just don’t get to do it often enough. Something we learned from our friends, Chip & Cherry of MarriedSpice.com, was that when going out to a restaurant, rather than sitting across the table from each other, sit side by side. Then you can snuggle, sneak kisses, and hold hands much easier. It’s also fun because the waitstaff doesn’t quite know how to take that!

We do Crazy - We have four children at home between the ages of 5 and 11. We also have two children who are grown and on their own. We have two grandbabies, and another one due in the summer of 2013. Tiffani homeschools the four young ones, & runs a home business making beautiful cloth diapers, while I work as a SharePoint developer, systems admin & all-around I.T. fix-it guy all day. Together we manage a small farm with (currently) 25 egg-laying chickens, 50 birds being raised for food, and at times as many as 5 hogs running around in the fields. If you can imagine our modest little farmhouse when all the family and the grandbabies are around – it’s CRAZY! But it is US, and we thank God for every moment of it!

We do Lifetime Commitment - When we got married, and for many years after, our vows were pretty much “I do – until something bad happens.” Well, something bad DID happen… actually MANY bad things happened. And those things are what God used to get our attention onto Him where it belonged. Today, we stand FIRMLY on a three-way covenant between ourselves and God. We have banned the D-word (divorce) from our vocabulary. Marriage for us truly IS “til death do we part.”

This has been a fun challenge, and I really appreciate all the other posts I’ve seen by other blogs. As I find them, I will link them below so you can be blessed by them as well.

Thank you so much for reading, and I pray you are blessed in your marriage!

~Jason

More “We Do” Posts…
Do Not Disturb (the one who started it all!)
Pearl’s Oysterbed
The Generous Wife
Hot, Holy and Humorous
Intimacy In Marriage
The Romantic Vineyard
Marriage Life Ministries

This post was linked to Sheila Gregoire’s Wifey Wednesday Link-Up, and The Happy Wives Club Marriage Mondays! Please visit their great sites too!

Neither of us are strong writers – at least not during this particular season of our lives. I work full time outside the home, and have a pretty full schedule even when not in the office – to include both family & ministry stuff. Tiffani runs the homeschool, and manages our home & small family farm. And between us we have our farm animals to care for on a daily basis. So it seems there’s never a dull moment around here!

In August, I wrote a 7-part series looking back over our 25 years of marriage. It caused me to really examine the ups and downs we’ve experienced along our marriage path. It was interesting to note the progression of maturity as we came through the years together. Our way of thinking, and the decisions we make today are definitely very different from the way we would have handled similar situations in the distant past.

The way we’ve handled “Christmas” in general is one of those areas of growth I can see. Both of us grew up in an era where there was always lots of “stuff” under the tree on Christmas morning – stockings were crammed full over the fireplace with of all sorts of goodies. This was just normal, natural life – and we expected it – year after year. Having that sort of upbringing, we came into the marriage with the expectation that this is what we were going to give our kids too.

Now, we have never been particularly well off. When you’re very small, you have NO CLUE of what mommy and daddy are spending to make all that “magic” happen. When we became very young parents together, with one child it wasn’t bad. We bought a few things, and everyone was happy. Then we had two kids… all of a sudden I had to take out a signature loan at the military credit union just to continue that “magic” under the Christmas tree. But then, guess what? The realization hit me that WE HAD TO PAY THAT BACK! Whoa… whole new ball game here.

To truly understand where I’m headed with this story, a little financial background is needed. With the exception of a couple of years way back when Tiffani was still in the outside-the-home workforce (as a WELL-compensated Java programmer), we have lived pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck for most of our marriage. And each year, the cost of living raise never quite matches the increase in prices of the things we purchase. I also spent 5 months on unemployment in 2010, which caused us to accrue tens of thousands in unwanted debt. (We continue to tink away at that bill, month after month.)

So anyway, where I’m headed here is that each year, it’s been more and more stressful to (as they say) “keep up with the Joneses”. But that is what our society teaches us from a very young age! And we’ve always sort of known that, but never really gave it a lot of thought – until this year. Earlier in 2012, Tiffani and I began to talk about our thoughts on what Christmas would be like this year. And it’s amazing how God has brought us to this place in our thinking along virtually the same timeline.

At some point in history (I don’t know when), it was decided that the holiday season that we now know as “Christmas” was going to be considered the celebration of Christ’s birth into this lost world. That’s the extremely simple explanation, and for me, that’s fine. I’m ok with that little bit of knowledge. We know that December 25th isn’t the specific day of His birth, but that matters very little to me. What does matter is that we are PICKING A DAY and honoring the birth of our Savior.

Over the past several years, we’ve been slowly simplifying our family gift-giving traditions. Have you ever heard of the “Three Wise Men” gift tradition? It’s interesting, works pretty well, and allows for good teaching moments with your young children. The three gifts given by the Magi were gold, frankincense and myrrh. These are represented today like this: “Gold” (something costly or precious) would be one thing they really want, such as a toy, a CD, or an electronic game.  ”Frankincense” (it’s supposed to be fragrant or smell good, like the incense) is something for the body – clothes, cologne, specialty soap, etc… “Myrrh” (a preservative) is represented by something for their spiritual growth – like a new Bible, study guide, or the like. We have grown to really appreciate the simpleness of this.

So with that in mind, in our discussions Tiffani and I came to a total agreement that we were going to stop stressing & worrying about what was (or wasn’t) under our Christmas tree, and instead concentrate our efforts on teaching our children what the true spirit of Christmas is. We refuse to put our family any deeper into debt because society says we’re supposed to. Instead, I believe Jesus would have His birthday celebration be about the family gathering together (immediate & extended), sharing meals, the elders teaching the younger in the ways of God & sharing family history, playing games, praying & worshiping together, and so on. Sure, gift giving is nice – and I DO NOT believe that God has any problem with the sharing of gifts! (Please do not take THAT away from reading this!) Instead, I believe that Jesus would have the gift giving take a back seat to all those other things I just mentioned above. Rather than being “the main event”, we believe it should be almost an after thought.

The commercialization of Christmas has really made us examine deeply what it means to US – the SongSix3 family. American society has created enormous pressure to bury ourselves in debt to “have a nice Christmas”. We have realized that we don’t need to do anything of the sort in order to have a BLESSED Christmas! All we really NEED is our family and Jesus. Anything else we happen to receive is a blessing – above and beyond!

Merry Christmas!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Image courtesy of digitalart at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I was on unemployment from May 2010 to October 2010, and that tiny little check didn’t even come close to paying our mortgage – let alone any other bills. This had the side-effect of us piling up thousands in unintended credit card debt just so we could feed the family. After having the dream home we had built in West Virginia on the market for way too many months, we finally sold it near the end of 2010 at a SIGNIFICANT loss. To add insult to our financial injury, we even had to pay the buyer money at the closing table. Ouch!! The sale made us essentially homeless, so we moved in with Tiffani’s parents while we searched for a home (and I continued to search for a job.)

We’d been looking to get our family moved back to Virginia where we both grew up, so my job searches were targeted there. In October 2010 I finally hit a homerun in the job market and got myself back to work – gainfully – at a job that I absolutely love. But it came at a price. We still had no home to call our own. For the next six months I lived in a Virginia friend’s spare bedroom all week while I worked at my new job, and commuted back to West Virginia on the weekends. This was a separation of my family that we never wanted, but Tiffani and I both realized that this sacrifice was necessary to get our lives back into some semblance of order.

We had decided that each evening that we were apart, we were going to STAY CONNECTED by phone, by Facebook & instant messages, and even Skype. This was probably the best decision we made about the whole separation thing. Many nights we connected via Skype and just hung out together. It gave me the opportunity to talk with the little ones, read the Bible with them and pray with them before bed. Then, once the kids were in bed, Tiffani and I would just spend time together mostly talking and connecting… but I do recall a time or three when we simply connected Skype and she knitted or read while I did some other work, and we didn’t talk much – but we were able to look into each others’ rooms and see one another, and just BE TOGETHER. I will never forget the closeness and intimacy I felt with my wife during those times of just being connected with her, though physically there were many, many miles between us.

Since we were going to be forcefully separated anyway, I decided to make good use of my evening time and seriously hunt for a house. Tiffani and I had been asking God to pick our new home for us, and to make it abundantly clear that “THIS” was the place – wherever that happened to be. We had looked together at several homes in Virginia, and put offers on a couple of them… but each time we put an offer down on a place inside the city limits, within 24 hours (or less) we were outbid right out of our price range. We were growing rather disheartened at the whole thing. Getting Tiffani from West VA to Virginia each time we wanted to look at a place meant fuel expense, many hours of driving the round trip, and either finding childcare or bringing the four littles along too. Not an easy task.

God was using this time to refine both of us, each in different ways. As I went about the house hunt, our realtor (a good friend from our church) took me to look at a few homes – many of which were not really a good match for our family. Tiffani had seen one farmhouse online a few months before but axed it from our “check it out list” because it only had two bathrooms. As our possible choices had dwindled down to almost nothing, I decided to give a fresh look at a few of the places that we had previously taken off the table. I asked our realtor to take me to this particular farmhouse so I could walk the property and see it with my own eyes. After spending a good 90 minutes in the place, I started to feel a strange attraction to it – and I wondered if we could make it work with our large family – and only two bathrooms. This homestead had been abandoned for over a year when I first saw it, and our realtor said no other buyers even had it on their radar. Those two bits of information gave me a lot to think about. She gave me the code to open the door lock and told me to come back as often as I wanted, to either convince myself to put down an offer or walk away. I began to come back almost nightly throughout the week, just to walk the property and pray… asking God if this was where he wanted me to lay down the family’s roots. I spent time examining the interior, knowing that there were things that needed fixing – wondering if we were up to the tasks. (“Jimmy FixItAll” I am NOT!) Over the next couple of weeks, I began to lean into the decision that THIS was the place.

Here’s where I get to tell you about how God was working in Tiffani’s heart. (I LOVE this part!) I called her and tried to arrange a time to get her to come see it. If we were going to take on this fixer-upper together, I really wanted her to be in agreement with me – to have her heart solidly on board with the decision. Instead, she said this to me (paraphrased…) “In Biblical times, when a man and woman were betrothed, he went away to either build a home for them or to add an extra wing onto his parents’ house. She really had no say in where they lived as a couple, but she trusted that her husband-to-be would take care of her. Jason, you know what I like, and what I don’t like. I TRUST YOU as my husband to make the decision on our home. You know our family’s needs, and if you feel that this is the place that God has directed you to, then I don’t want you to hesitate. I don’t want you to sin by not doing what you believe is right. (James 4:17) We can make two bathrooms work even though it will be tight, and perhaps in the future we can find a way to add a third one to the house.”

Wow, that knocked my socks right off! So with that phone call, my beloved wife had (sight-unseen) confirmed what God was telling me I should do with this home. We put down our offer, the bank countered, and we came back with a final offer that they accepted. Getting all the particulars nailed down with the bank ended up taking the next few months, but eventually we were able to take ownership of our little 2.5 acre farmlet in May 2011. We still haven’t planted anything so far, but we do have animals in the barn and field. We have 60-something chickens between two barn stalls (yep, the house came with a barn – BONUS!) and five pigs in an electric-fence enclosure. In the next few weeks, 32 of those chickens will be processed and put into our freezer for food. The other half of that flock is our egg-laying bunch. We haven’t bought an egg in over a year. Thank You Lord for Your provision! Two of our pigs will be processed for meat before the end of the year, and the other 3 will be with us probably until early spring.

Tiffani feeds our pigs

So what’s the point of this post? Well, I’m not sure there is “just one”… but my main thought is THANKFULNESS. The Lord has provided for my family in so many ways over this past two years. I have a job that I LOVE doing! I administer a small company’s SharePoint intranet, where all employees login at least once a day, and the project managers run their projects from it day in & day out. I get to be creative and think up ways to make employees’ work experiences nicer and more efficient. The Lord provided my family with a home that is only 11 miles from the church we’ve been locked into since 1998. He provided us with LAND that we can use to plant food for the family, and provide for our animals as well. He’s given us more eggs than we could ever hope to eat (friends, family & coworkers most definitely benefit from that too!) He’s given us pigs that will eventually provide an abundance of good, SAFE meat to eat. We have room to host church picnics and play games outside. He’s given my family a place to call HOME (while we still walk the earth). Through this experience He gave me a wife who has learned to trust God to lead her husband. But most of all, God has given me a place where I can have my family all together, where we can be a FAMILY, where we have roots and traditions together.

Our Front Yard After Hurricane Sandy

There is SO much more wrapped up in these experiences to be thankful for, but I didn’t plan to write a book – just an overview! If I could encourage you today in your own situations to just look around with a discerning eye. It shouldn’t take you long to find a good many things to be thankful for. As for me and my family…

WE ARE THANKFUL!

Our Homestead

Tiffani and I sure do cherish our rare dates. Having four children under 11 in the house can often put a damper on regular times out for the parents. We “get that”… we REALLY do! Our oldest children are 26 and 24, so we have already been at that point in life where you can leave your kids and take off for the evening without worrying. But as the result of much discussion, prayer and pastoral counsel throughout 1999/2000, we decided to return our fertility back into the hands of God, where we had become convicted that it belonged. (That story may possibly be the point of another post – someday! But not today!)

Today, I’d like to talk about spending time with each other in various ways that won’t break the bank, or require Herculean efforts in logistics and planning. Many of these ideas you can do right in the comfort of your own home – just get the kids bathed, their teeth brushed and off to bed either right on time, or even a little early… and have at it!

Let’s start off with the ideas for things you can do at home, and then we’ll move into ideas for heading “out” for an evening.

GAMES
Our family has always loved games! Games of just about every sort… board games, card games, video games, thinking games, and most recently iPod/Pad games. This love can very easily translate into fun, intimate time with your spouse!

Some of our favorite card games are Uno, Skipbo, and an oldie but goodie… Mille Bornes. This is a French card game with an auto-race theme. (My mother blessed us with her original boxed copy from 1971, but I just googled and found it available all over the internet for purchase.) There are also thousands of card games you can play with a plain old deck of 52 cards, and plenty of books available with rules and instructions on how to play them. The possibilities are literally endless! And… for a sexy twist just between you and your hunny (in your private sanctuary, of course!)… play “strip poker” style – for every hand/round lost, something comes off. Or just go for broke and PLAY NAKED!

A few of our favorite board games are the good old standards like Monopoly, Life, Triple Yahtzee, and so on… but for a bit more “playfulness”, feel free to indulge in a rousing (arousing?) topless and/or bottomless game of CandyLand or Chutes & Ladders! It’s just the two of you, loving each other and having FUN together – so lose the deadly seriousness and cut loose!

Have you got two iPods/iPads/iPhones between you? There are hundreds, perhaps even THOUSANDS of games available in the app store that are playable by two players through bluetooth or wi-fi. Battleship and Uno are two that I can think of right off the top of my head that we have on our phones. Find several that you like and have a ball! There are so many choices available for 99 cents… Agree to spend 10 bucks and find several games that you both love. I promise you it will be 10 bucks WELL SPENT, and an investment in your marriage! Allow me to advise you to first read the reviews before you spend money and end up disappointed… look for games that have great reviews and have made the players happy. I know that other brands of phones (Android, Blackberry, etc.) have their own app stores, but I have no recent experience with any of them so I will leave those for the experts among you to decipher.

COOKING/BAKING
Do you both love to cook or bake? How about an evening spent baking a cake that’s NOT from a box?  Look around the internet for some ideas, and consider making a wedding cake “fit for the king and queen” (of your own kingdom) – from scratch! This might require a little planning if it’s outside your normal comfort zone, but the fun you could have for $20-30 bucks is immeasurable! Even if your cake doesn’t turn out exactly the way you envisioned it in your head… the idea is to have fun in the CREATING! Enjoy coffee, reminisce over past happy experiences, leave flour-handprints on each other, LAUGH together! Then frost your cake, put a little husband and wife decoration on top, and celebrate your wedding all over again! Perhaps you could even freeze a piece to eat next year… Ok, maybe not! (Who ever thought of that strange tradition anyway??)

The cake in the picture above is called a “Topsy Turvy Cake”, and you can find pictures and tutorials all over the web. This particular one comes with a nice instructional. Have some fun and get creative!

WORSHIP
Here’s one that won’t cost you a single penny… but is worth much more than precious gems or jewels in the Kingdom of God. Are there musicians among you? Grab your instruments and lift your voices together to the Lord! He would LOVE to hear it! But on the flip side, is there not an ounce of musical talent between you? That’s ok too… Put on your favorite worship CD, or a worship concert DVD (I can recommend several great ones!) and SING TOGETHER! Seriously! Who cares what it sounds like? Even if the two of you together sound like Archie and Edith Bunker, the Lord loves to hear songs from a joyful heart! Psalm 100 is a fantastic encouragement to praise!

Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth!
Serve the LORD with gladness! Come into his presence with singing!
Know that the LORD, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name!
For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.

GOOD MEMORIES
How about an evening reopening the family’s historical photo albums together with some coffee and a favorite dessert? Talk about the pictures and what memories they spark in your heart.

So now we’ll move on to the ideas that will take you out of the home and into the great beyond…

FOOD
Dinner at a favorite restaurant is always a classic, and we welcome this one as often as we possibly can. Unfortunately for us, we’ve only gotten to do this 4 or 5 times in the past year and a half. And at least 3 of those have been because of the blessings of others upon us. Yep, the economy affects us too!

Have you ever gone to a great restaurant, just to look at the dessert menu after you’re already stuffed? What a drag! So why not on a future date night, have a small but reasonable dinner at home with the kids, let it digest while you get the kiddos ready for bed (and discuss any last minute stuff with whomever will be taking care of them while you’re out), then grab your hunny and head for the car. Go back to that great restaurant and ask to see the dessert menu from the get-go… enjoy your beverage of choice with the awesome, rich dessert that made your eyes bug out on the last trip, and have some deep conversation with your spouse!

Here’s one of our favorites… we happen to live in a town with a fantastic ice cream place sitting in the same parking lot as the putt-putt golf course. We’ve been known, on occasion, to do these two things side by side, but not necessarily always in the same order. Makes a great summer outing for a couple of hours! I am dearly hoping to be healed up enough from my August 29th surgery to get to play a game with my lady soon, before they close for the season.

WALK/DRIVE
Anybody for an evening stroll? How about a “moonlight & streetlamps” walk along a downtown part of your nearest big city? Hopefully you’ve got a place where you can walk along perhaps a quarter to a half-mile of stores, shops, & cafes… a street where you can enjoy the lights and the sights, the smells of baking bread, and perhaps find a great cup of coffee (or whatever else you enjoy!) You don’t necessarily have to spend a boatload of money on a trip like this… a few bucks for a drink and something to snack on, and you’ve got each other for company and conversation. Walk & dream together about your future, enjoy a little window-shopping, hold hands, and BE together!

Have you ever taken a scenic drive together? Living here on the east coast, we have numerous mountain ranges with scenic mountain parkways along their ridges. We also have lots of country farmland and historic areas to drive through. Tiffani and I have almost always found this enjoyable, and we like to stop at historic sites and walk around to view them up close. You probably have some places within a reasonable driving distance to your home that this could become a reality for you. Pull out a map and give it some thought! This one is a bit more of a “day-trip” type thing, and might require a bit more planning if you still have small children that you would need care for.

Most of these ideas are things that wouldn’t require a huge outlay of cash. The main point is that they allow you and your spouse to spend quality time together… time spent holding hands, arm in arm, side by side… enjoying each others’ company, smiling, talking & laughing with each other. These things are critical to creating and maintaining the emotional bonds that keep the two of you woven tightly together.

So get out there and find some games, find some baking ideas, think on what songs you might like to sing best, where you might like to go for a walk or a drive, and consider which of your favorite restaurants has the most incredible dessert menu… then GO FOR IT! Have some fun and reconnect with your spouse! For those of you who worry about the bottom line, the returns you will get on these MINIMAL investments in your marriage can never be measured in earthly terms!

And lastly… how funny that I’ve been working on this post for several days, to wake up this morning and see that our good friend Debi Walter from The Romantic Vineyard has posted “A Dozen Daytime Date Ideas“… I guess (as they say…) great minds think alike! Thanks Debi! We’re going to have to try out some of your ideas!

All photos are courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Today I am going to touch on a subject that seems to be an almost constant companion in the SongSix3 household – pain. Not the emotional kind… the PHYSICAL kind. It seems that we have been dealing with this in one form or another for a LONG time.

After the birth of our last child in 2008, Tiffani suffered a major pelvic prolapse. This basically means that her internal parts did not “snap back into place”, the way that God designed the female body to do after childbirth. This condition was extremely painful for her, and for the next 2 years we were mostly unable to have normal sexual intimacy. On the rare occasions that we did, it meant several days of physical agony for her (sometimes crying real tears of pain), and the equivalent in emotional heart distress for me. After all, what husband in his God-given right-mind WANTS to cause his wife pain?

Tiffani is currently seeking the Lord as to what He would have her write in a future post about this situation, in the hopes that other wives in similar circumstances would receive encouragement from it. There IS light on the other side of that dark place! Today we are able to have more “normal” intimacy, but there is still pain involved… just not on the extreme level that there once was. We are both IMMENSELY grateful to God for this.

On September 3rd, 2011, I suffered an accident while working in one of our farm fields. For some more details on the accident, feel free to read my article “My Heart Hurts”, posted on February 24, 2012. This accident was the start of a downhill slide into heavy back pain, and eventually the sciatic nerve in my left leg became pinched off. I won’t beat around the bush… when that nerve got squeezed, it was without a doubt the worst pain I had ever felt in my life and still remained conscious. The doctor’s suggestion to try and treat this was a round of cortisone shots first. He told me they would either work great, or make it very clear that surgery was going to be required. I agreed, and I had the shots done on Thursday October 6, 2011. By the following Sunday afternoon I was in total agony.

On Monday the 10th I had our daughter-in-love drive me to the ortho office to see the doc. She had to go get a nurse with a wheelchair to pick me up out of the parking lot – as I simply could not crawl any further. As I sat in the wheelchair writhing in pain, the doctor walked in and said “So the shots aren’t working for you, huh?” I tried to be nice, I REALLY did… but with the electrical fire crackling away inside my left leg, it was incredibly difficult to say much beyond a growl. Then he said “So you ready for surgery?” I was only half-joking when I hissed, “Go get the knife, I’ll wait right here for you!“

As it turned out, they couldn’t get me in to the hospital that same day… Wednesday the 12th was going to be the soonest it could happen. That meant a 48 hour wait. Thankfully the doc kept me heavily medicated for those 2 days. The surgery was a success and I’ve been healing up nicely ever since – even though I went through a couple of months of back pain because of the healing going on at the incision point.

Jason & Tiffani enjoying a playful moment in early 2012 when physical pain had temporarily subsided.

Tiffani ended up going through much the same surgery a couple of months later (January 2012), but not due to an accident. Hers was due to spinal stenosis, or bone growth in the spine. We already knew the deal on how everything worked (appointments, medications, hospitals, registrations, etc…) so most of that went fairly smooth. She continues to heal, but to also have regular, chronic pain from this. She has returned a number of times to our doc, and he has diagnosed arthritis… which means this pain is something we’ll need to learn to live with. That stinks, but it is what our God has chosen to put in our lives. We are very thankful for the TENS units we were given to help manage the pain in our backs without medication. Neither of us is a big fan of having our heads muddled by pain killers.

Now, as I mentioned a little bit earlier, I had been healing up nicely from my surgery… until a little over 4 weeks ago. The sciatic pain in the left leg began to come back, little by little. But at least I’ve been spared the intense back pain this time around. The leg pain has been daily getting worse until my low-level pain meds were not touching it. I returned to physical therapy, and I got the doc to prescribe me some more powerful meds – which have been doing a better job. But it quickly got to the painful point of needing to have another MRI. This was done on Friday the 17th of August. My doctor read this MRI on Tuesday the 21st, and showed me that the same disc has re-herniated. Oh boy. Yay for me. Not. And especially coming right at the time when my dear wife and I should be able to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. Not my idea of a fun celebration.

What does this mean for me? It means that today, Wednesday August 29th, 2012… the day after our 25th anniversary… I am heading back in to the operating room at around 10:30am EST to attempt to have this nerve pain corrected. Possibly even as you are reading this now.

In the weeks leading up to this day, I have rolled through the gamut of emotions one might expect of someone in my current pair of shoes… anger (why did this happen again in spite of the care I’ve taken to NOT reinjure myself?!), sadness that I must leave my family again for a few days, and fear of many different varieties. After all, as they tell you in the surgical paperwork, NOTHING is guaranteed – up to and including me leaving the surgical suite still among the living. Seeing those words in black and white will certainly make you take a momentary pause!

But this last point brings me to the bottomline and central message of this post – God has not left me alone. He is still right here with me. Therefore, I have nothing to fear! Nowhere in the Bible am I guaranteed to have a wonderful, happy, pain-free life. (It absolutely DUMBFOUNDS me that there are so many who have this misguided belief!) What I AM promised is that my Lord will NEVER leave me to flounder on my own. Deuteronomy 31:8 “The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

Philippians 1:21 says “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” What this means to me is that if the Lord allows me to wake up, shake out the cranial cobwebs and go home after the surgery, then He will have chosen to bless me with another day. Another day to breathe the air, to show love to my beautiful wife and children, and to give honor and glory to my Savior, Jesus. But if He chooses that I should take my final breath on the operating table, then I fully believe that I will INSTANTLY be in the presence of Almighty God, and HE will take care of my family that are temporarily left behind.

2 Corinthians 5:6-8 “Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord — for we walk by faith, not by sight — we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord.”

Psalms 4:8 In peace I will both lie down and sleep, For You alone, O LORD, make me to dwell in safety.

My interpretation of these scriptures is this… you might be in ‘good hands’ with AllState, but you’re in THE BEST HANDS with Jesus!

I have no doubts today of where my final home is – in Glory with Jesus – whether I get there today, or 50 years from today. My days were numbered by God Himself before the earth was formed, and He knows exactly how many I have left. I won’t live one single day more or less than He has given me. I have come to peace with the fact that this earthly existence is just a temporary dwelling place. All I hope for is that during my relatively brief stay here, I have touched someone’s life in a positive way… that perhaps the marriage troubles that I and my bride have walked through have encouraged someone else going through some of the same fires.

Even though you, dear reader, and I have likely never met, I pray this for you… that TODAY you are lifted up by my words. That starting right now, you and your mate will walk on in the grace of Christ, to have a blessed and fruitful marriage for the remainder of your lives. Doing it the world’s way will only end in heartache. Let Christ reign supreme in your marriage. Matthew 19:26: But Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” With God, you CAN do it.

Tiffani, you KNOW beyond all doubt or question how I feel about you. (I love you the MOSTEST! –> Gotcha!) In spite of all the times the devil has tried to knock both you and I off the right path, you have given me such great joy by sharing this life with me. My prayer this morning is that the Lord chooses to bring me out the other side of this surgery healed of the nerve pain, and ready to take on ->together<- whatever life brings us next. I can’t wait to see your beautiful smiling face when I wake up! If our Lord chooses any other outcome, then serve Him with all your heart, and continue teaching our children to do the same. You’re a great mom, and I know you’ll do an awesome job.

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

If you didn’t get to read yesterday’s post, click here to check it out, then come back and read on!

25 YEARS MARRIED… (the final post)

Alright readers, so this has been a whimsical story… but boy, what I wouldn’t have given for someone back then to sit down and share this stuff with me! Of course, we can’t go back in time and share wisdom with ourselves, but we CAN share with those we know that are young, and just starting out on this road we began traveling so long ago! Truly, how much heartache would Tiffani and I have NOT had to walk through if I’d only known these things???

It boggles my mind to think that maybe, JUST MAYBE, had we known Christ early in life, we might not have had to walk through a heart-rending year of separation in our marriage bond. Not to mention the awful baggage we had to work through after we reconciled! Ugh!!

Had I known what relationship priorities even were, would my dear wife have felt that she was a single mom and needed to live her life separate and apart from mine?

If I had guarded my heart and mind against outside sexual temptations, would I EVER have gotten myself into an adulterous situation that would grieve my Lord and rip my wife’s heart into pieces?

Teaching my children and leading my wife in biblical instruction is one that I’m learning much more recently, and I can see how critically important this is. This has become an area to work on, for me. And I commit to this, for the sake of my children, my wife, and my marriage.

And finally… forgiveness. Wow, what can I say about this? I have finally realized that the unimaginable burden of pain and suffering that Tiffani & I have heaped on each other through the years was the direct result of not having Christ in our earlier lives. I am SO thankful that Jesus forgave ME, and taught me through His Word how to forgive my wife. We have had to forgive each other for some horrendously hurtful things. But through Christ, it IS possible. And we’re learning together that there is indeed beauty found on the other side of the pain.

As I close this series, I want to say quite simply, that today I am the world’s most blessed man. As of today, August 28^th 2012, I have been married for 25 years to the lady whom God gave me as MY PERFECT GIFT for this life. For most of that time (the exceptions being those times of sin I noted previously), she has been my companion, my nurse, my lover, and MY VERY BEST FRIEND.

Jason & Tiffani

Tiffani, knowing where we came from, and seeing what you have become today… demonstrates irrefutable proof that God has been (and continues to be) hard at work in your heart. I love you with everything that I am, and I pray that I am as big a blessing to your life as you are to mine. I look forward to the next 25 years together with great anticipation! And the best part is that it starts TODAY! Ready, set, GO!!!

~Jason
Yours, until death do we part
August 28, 2012

If you missed any of this series, please use these links to go back and revisit any of the previous posts.

25 Years Married… Part 1
25 Years Married… Part 2
25 Years Married… Part 3
25 Years Married… Part 4
25 Years Married… Part 5
25 Years Married… Part 6

Special thanks for this series:
I want to extend a couple of very special “Thank You!” notes to the people who helped me craft this series into being.
~To my friend Brad of One Flesh Marriage, thanks for the outstanding editing advice! Every time I think I’ve got something looking pretty good, you manage to suggest something even better! (Twitter users, please follow them – @1fleshmarriage)
~Byron, I appreciate your encouragement! Byron is an elder in my church, and a man I look up to with huge respect for his great depth of understanding of the scriptures. Thanks brother!
~And to my wonderful wife, Tiffani – at a time in your life when Satan put other ‘options’ on his table of temptations for you to pick from… YOU CHOSE ME. As long as I live and breathe, I will not forget that. You have my heart. Happy 25th anniversary!!

If you didn’t get to read last Friday’s post, click here to check it out, then come back and read on!

25 YEARS MARRIED… (continued)

We’re continuing our trip back to August 28th 1987, where I’ve sat down to have a chat with myself on my wedding day. Tiffani is rocking our 8 month old baby to sleep in the next room, and I’ve got my own undivided attention. Let’s listen in…

Marriage Wisdom – Tip Number Five

The frivolous rules of make-believe time travel only allow me to pass along 5 tips for future growth so this will have to be the last one. This tip has the potential for both the most blessing AND the most pain, all rolled into one. Are you ready?

Be ready to forgive, ten thousand times over if necessary.

That lady over there will never be perfect… she will never behave in precisely the ways you expect she might… she WILL let you down in a myriad of ways. But also be aware of this… you will do the same to her.

Oh, not necessarily in exactly the same ways, but the hurt you inflict on her will be just as painful. You will not be any more or any less guilty than she. Chances are good you will need to be forgiven just as often, or perhaps even more so, than she needs it from you.

Matthew 6:14-15 gives us a hard truth – but one we must be willing to walk out in this life: “For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ”But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.”

Taken at face value, this says to me that God’s willingness to forgive MY sins is directly tied to my own willingness to forgive others – including my wife.

You’ve probably heard this lie a time or two in your life… “Time heals all wounds.” You need to learn now that this is completely false. Time doesn’t do anything but make you older, and possibly more bitter (if you don’t learn how to forgive).

One of the things I often tell people back in the future where I came from is this… Forgiveness is not always easy. But the peace that comes after is well worth the effort. Time does NOT heal wounds. Forgiving does. (And that fits very nicely into a 140 character twitter box! What’s a twitter box? Ah, nevermind! Haha! Silly me!) But anyway… learn this truth, and practice it. Your wife (and you) will both need it. And if you ever start to believe the enemy’s lies that she doesn’t deserve it, just remember all the things that God will have forgiven YOU for. THAT will bring your pride to a screeching halt in a big hurry.

I’m glad we’ve had this chat, but now it’s time for me to get back to August 2012, where that hot babe of mine is waiting for me to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary with her. I can’t wait to get back to her! Be diligent, be watchful, and love her as you walk through life. She needs YOU. Don’t be a stranger to her. If you do these things now, trust me… you’ll LOVE what you end up with at the other end of the timeline.

Ok, now step back as we get into Doc Browns’ DeLorean…

Watch out for the blast zone behind the car… 1.21 jigawatts can really light up your hairdo if you’re not careful!

Come back tomorrow for the wrap-up of this 7-post series!

All photos used in this post were found in various Google searches, and in multiple places around the web. I do not own the copyrights to any of them. If you know who does own them, please message me and I will be happy to give the true owner(s) credit.

If you didn’t get to read yesterday’s post, click here to check it out, then come back and read on!

25 YEARS MARRIED… (continued)

We’re continuing our trip back to August 28th 1987, where I’ve sat down to have a chat with myself on my wedding day. Tiffani is rocking our 8 month old baby to sleep in the next room, and I’ve got my own undivided attention. Let’s listen in…

Marriage Wisdom – Tip Number Four

Let’s see, more wisdom from my travels through marriage and time? How about this one… Any and all children that come along as a result of this loving marriage are yours too. She is NOT the sole parent.

Teach and lead those babies as they grow. And never leave your wife behind as you study and grow in the Scriptures! Ephesians 5 is a great chapter in its’ entirety for both husbands and wives, but to get a little more specific, Ephesians 5:23-27 is a fantastic place to start in gaining understanding of what God expects from you regarding those He has entrusted you with. “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.”

The Lord has given stewardship over your family’s doctrinal teaching into your hands, young husband. It’s a very high calling, and one you need to take seriously.

Romans 14:11-12 says For it is written, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall give praise to God.” So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God. Pay special attention to that last part about giving an account to God. You won’t be able to hide behind your BlackBerry when God calls you into that meeting.

What’s that? Why in the world would you want to try and hide behind a tiny piece of fruit? Oh right, I forgot where I was for a moment… well sometime around the new millennium, the year 2002 or so, your understanding of what a BlackBerry is will begin to change. You’re just gonna have to trust me on that one!

Come back on Monday the 27th for the continuation of this 7-post series!

If you didn’t get to read yesterday’s post, click here to check it out, then come back and read on!

25 YEARS MARRIED… (continued)

We’re continuing our trip back to August 28th 1987, where I’ve sat down to have a chat with myself on my wedding day. Tiffani is rocking our 8 month old baby to sleep in the next room, and I’ve got my own undivided attention. Let’s listen in…

Marriage Wisdom – Tip Number Three

Young Jason, the next truth you need to grasp is that your wife – the tender and beautiful one that God has just blessed your life with – is the ONLY woman on earth that you will EVER need in order to have your sexual appetite satisfied.

God Himself said in Song of Solomon 5:1 “Eat, friends; Drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers.“ He WANTS you to enjoy each other – often! Learn every square (and nicely curved) inch of her body, and ask her to help you learn together what makes it feel good. ROCK HER WORLD!

It is true that temptations will come in the form of pretty women and dubious circumstances – they always do. But I cannot stress this strongly enough… you need to give that ALL over to the Lord, allow Him to strengthen you against these demonic attacks by staying in His Word, and ALWAYS be faithful to, and honest with Tiffani.

Do not allow yourself to have a secret thought life that involves any other woman. This is absolute DEATH to a marriage. Many have the idea in their heads that it’s not really adultery if you haven’t actually touched another person sexually outside your marriage, but Jesus has stated very clearly otherwise in Matthew 5:27-28… “You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

There are those who say that God doesn’t “specifically” address pornography in the Bible. I beg to differ… I believe Jesus covered it perfectly, as we just read!

Would it help if I told you that I’ve gone down that path, and I know these things from experience? Here’s a freebie for you though… she may not be like this right now (without Christ’s presence in her heart), but in time, that beautiful young lady in the next room is going to grow in her maturity in Christ, and she will become a Godly, forgiving woman. Hear me when I say this, little bro… NEVER take that for granted!

Cherish her for the gift she is to you. God has given you THE PERFECT GIFT for your life. She is a princess – not because you’re any sort of prince, ya doofus – but because she’s a daughter of the King of Kings. Treat her in a way that will make her daddy pleased that He gave her to you!

Come back tomorrow for the continuation of this 7-post series!