Do you pray with your wives? If not, may I ask you – why not?
Did you know that praying with your wife is probably the most emotionally intimate thing that you can do with her? When you pray together you open the deepest parts of your hearts, minds and souls to each other. Jesus also promises that when the two of you pray together, HE is right there with you.
Isn’t that a GREAT promise?! In my Bible, those words are in red… meaning that Jesus Himself spoke them.
Prayer is direct communication with the Father Himself. When we talk with the Lord privately (alone), much GOOD can happen in our hearts. But we must be willing to spend as much time listening for His still, small voice as we do talking. However, praying with our wives adds a whole new dynamic to our prayer life. She is the one with whom we share our most intimate thoughts, hopes and dreams, successes and failures. Other than God Himself, she is the one who should know more about us than any other person on earth. The Bible talks about this dynamic in the following scripture.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NASB) – Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.
A cord of three strands… hmm… husband, wife, and the Lord? Yes, absolutely!
Around the middle of 2011, Tiffani and I went through a rough time of struggle together. As part of our desire to live the “one flesh” lifestyle as described in Genesis 2:24-25, we needed to come clean with each other about some things from our past. In and of themselves, those things were not easy to hear. Adding to the troubles was the fact that during that time I had begun taking prescription narcotics for a herniated disc that was causing me intense pain. It’s fairly common knowledge that narcotics and emotions do not mix well, which made for some pretty volatile discussions – as you might imagine. Almost everything we talked about ended up being way bigger in my mind than it truly needed to be. Regretfully, during the heat of discussion, I said some things that Christians should never speak. You might say I was an emotional mess. (Hey, just being honest with you!) I am very thankful to have a wonderful wife who is quick to forgive.
We had been married for 24 years at that point, and walked with the Lord (together) since 1990. But praying with each other was completely foreign to us. We tried a few times, but it always felt stilted to me. We had never developed the habit, but we both knew we needed to. One thing we promised each other was that we would pray WITH each other, and FOR each other. Daily.
Those times of prayer ended up being exactly what we needed. When we were physically together we held hands while we prayed. I worked very hard to carve out a space right around 7 AM that I could call her from work so we could pray together. Did it always work? No, not always… sometimes work issues got in the way. I’m the company computer guy, and sometimes computers break. (Oh really???) On days like this, I used the available technology… I would write a prayer from my heart and text it to her, so that she could read it when she woke up.
For the first several months, those times of prayer were painful, but at the same time they were also very intimate and encouraging. We prayed for our children, our respective days, the work we put our hands to, and also that God would release us from the pain that we were talking over and dealing with.
As we each took time to speak to our Heavenly Father, we were able to hear the others’ heart. Even though it began awkwardly, those times of praying together taught us that we could connect on a level we had never touched before. It was emotional bonding at its’ very best. And thankfully, within a few weeks of my successful back surgery, I was able to get off those blasted pain meds – and get my mind back under control!
We have continued those times of prayer into the present. Amazingly, I find now that if (for any reason) we are unable to pray together on a given morning, I feel as though something BIG is missing from my day. There’s a hole that just can’t be filled by anything else, and it doesn’t take me long to realize what happened.
Guys, can I encourage you to take that first baby step today? Tonight before bed, grab your dear wife’s hand, and PRAY for her! Don’t demand that she say anything. In time, as she becomes comfortable with you praying for her, gently offer her opportunities to pray verbally, but without requiring it of her. Just BE the leader and pray for things that you know are needed. Pray for God to protect her – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Does she suffer from nightmares? Ask the Lord to guard her mind as she sleeps! If she drives to a job each day, ask God to protect her from harm on the roadways. If she interacts with a specific group of people outside your home regularly, ask the Lord to protect her from the potential for emotional and physical adultery. (This is a VERY REAL concern, guys… be aware. We’ve been there, done that – and don’t EVER want to return!) These are just a few ideas, but nobody knows your wife like YOU do. Pray for her needs like nobody else can. YOU are her man, and she is depending on you.
One last note… those of you who follow @SongSix3 on Twitter may have seen some of our tweets on praying together. Since I’m mainly speaking to the husbands here, I will close this post with one of my favorites. Please feel free to retweet it as often as you like!
Men, do you pray with your wife daily? If you’re looking for intimacy in your marriage, THIS is where it starts!
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